Spectator by Seema Goswami: Eating out? Hell no!
Restaurants are getting louder, dimmer, more unruly, more expensive. Let’s send these modern trends back to the kitchen
As someone who eats out reasonably often, I have to confess that the ‘restaurant experience’ is leaving me completely cold of late. Given a choice I would much rather cook for myself and eat at home or – if I am feeling lazy – just order in and serve it up on my dining table. Why, you ask? Well, let me count the ways…
First off, the thing that annoys me the most about restaurants these days: Loud music pounding away relentlessly, so that any conversation with your dinner companions is impossible. I have to keep asking my dinner guests to repeat what they say; and that can get really annoying (for both parties) after a while. And worse, I have to keep shouting at the top of my voice to be heard above the music. Result: My throat is a goner midway through the evening.
I don’t know why more people don’t complain about this. Or maybe I do. Every time I have asked the manager of a restaurant to turn the music down, he has shut down my request by saying, “But madam, everybody else is enjoying the music!” Are they? Let’s just say I have my doubts.
Then there’s the question of lighting; or should I say, the lack thereof. Most restaurants are trying so hard to be glamorous and night-clubby that they keep the lighting at the bare minimum to seem mysterious and alluring. The result is that you cannot even see what you are eating let alone the faces of those dining with you.
I had the strangest ‘lighting experience’ at a Mumbai restaurant (which shall remain unnamed – but you know who you are) a few weeks ago. When we entered (a party of four) the restaurant was so brightly lit that my spirits rose at the sight. Then, just as we had finished our starters and were waiting for our mains, the lights dipped precipitously. We called the manager to ask what was going on. He said the lights are on an automatic dimmer. Okay, we said, as we tucked into our mains.
Then, just as he presented the dessert menu, the lights dipped further. Now it was not even possible to read the menu. We called the manager again and asked if the lights could be increased. No, he said, they were on an automatic dimmer. “Nobody can touch the dimmer,” he said proudly, “not even me.” The only response to that was to ask for the bill and leave to have dessert elsewhere – which is what we duly did.
My other pet peeve about restaurants these days is the constant upselling. The moment you sit down, a waiter will materialise to ask if you want still or sparkling water; the unspoken assumption being that you are a cheapskate if you ask for tap. They will try and push you to order the most overpriced thing on the menu. And if you ask for a wine recommendation, you can be sure that they will try and steer you to the most expensive choice.
Is it any wonder then that I turn down most invitations to eat out these days? And that my dining table has become my favourite restaurant – where I call the shots, not some snotty/greedy restaurant manager/chef.
From HT Brunch, October 25, 2025
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