No ‘backward’ 7 vachan, rituals by female pandits: Poet Nayab Midha opens up about her 'customised' wedding

Nayab Midha's wedding ceremony celebrated family support without traditional 'kanyadaan', reflecting her desire for a ceremony that aligned with her values.

As the wedding season continues in full swing across the country, there's one wedding that was truly unmissable. Musical artist and poet Nayab Midha tied the knot with software developer Ayush Chandhok in an intimate three-day celebration in Udaipur on November 2. The poet recently opened up on a podcast regarding the ‘customised’ ceremonies that she included in her wedding.

Nayab and Ayush tied the knot in an intimate three-day wedding in Udaipur.(Instagram/@nayab.midha)

The duo met in college in 2014, became friends, and started dating in 2016. Their absolutely beautiful wedding ceremony also got featured in Vogue.

Born in a Punjabi family in Rajasthan, Nayab's poems are a hit on social media, making her a familar face. One of her verses, ‘Muskurao’, which translates to ‘Smile’, with more than six million views, remains one of her most-watched videos on YouTube.

Nayab's wedding

In a recent podcast on a YouTube channel called ‘Everyday Empires’, Nayab opened up about how her wedding was just the way she wanted.

“I think my favourite element was that two female pandits did my rituals, the pheras. There was this stereotype and it is not like female pandits cannot do that. They do that. It is just not known,” Nayab said as she explained that wedding customs performed by women are not seen enough.

Talking about art, Nayab spoke about how men are always more on the stage, but there is a wave of female artists coming through. “Similarly, I thought, why not a female pandit?” she said.

Custom vows

Growing up in Rajasthan's Sri Ganganagar, Nayab recalled how she had witnessed all those weddings as a child, where there is this custom called “Sath Vachan”, or the seven vows that the bride and groom make to each other, while they perform the ceremony.

“All those promises were a little backward for me,” she pointed out. “All those promises ask you to seek permission from your husband before you leave home, they ask you to not enter rooms where there are other men, I have heard these kind of promises. If you are okay with them , please go ahead. I am just saying I cannot do that. When I am sitting in front of the pious Agni… why would I want to lie,” she questioned.

Nayab said that she only took the vows which she wanted. “The amazing two female pandits came, they made custom vows and every vow stood by equality. We did not take different vows. We promised everything together for each other on the same level,” she said.

Nayab and Ayush promised to take care of each other, and our families. “There was this little change, but it was my favourite part,” she said with a smile.

No Kanyadaan, or giving away the bride

The poet added that there was no ‘giving away of the bride’ or Kanyadaan, explaining that the original ritual was ‘Kanya-Var-Pani-Grahan’, in which the bride and groom promise each other a lifetime of support.

“Parents were equally involved. Nothing was given away, they just told us that you have one more son and you have one more daughter. It was fantastic, my favourite part of the wedding. Nobody cried. Everybody was just happy,” she said.