Woman writes novel to say goodbye to her ‘dead mother’. Then this happens
Author Stefany Valentine said now that she finally met her mother Meiling, she does not want to waste any time.
Author Stefany Valentine lost all hopes of meeting her mother after not having any contact with her for 25 years and even feared that she had died. But on New Year's eve of 2023, a call from her sister-in-law changed her life.
For the first time, in over two decades, in August 2024, Stefany came face-to-face with her mother Meiling Valentine.
Speaking to PEOPLE.com, Stefany said she wondered whether she would be able to recognise her mother in the crowd after all these years and safe to say, she added, "I did."
"It was just so good to hug her for the first time. I needed that hug," the author said.
At the time of Stefany's reunion with her mother at the Taiwan Taoyuan International Airport, the author was working on her debut novel called 'First Love Language'.
Her novel is based on Catie, a Taiwanese-American teen and adoptee, who looks to reconnect with her origin roots by learning Mandarin.
A 31-year-old Stefany said that she used the novel, in some ways, "to really say goodbye, to close the door" on finding her birth mother.
Cut off from mother, Taiwanese culture'
Meiling was married to Lt. Col. Todd Merrill Valentine and had five children with him. The family used to move around a lot because of Todd's career in the Air Force, spending time in Texas (where Stefany was born), Taiwan and South Dakota.
When Stefany was five-years-old, her parents got a divorce and all the kids went into Todd's custody. Their father moved them back to the States and their mother, Meiling, who did not speak any English, was cut of their lives.
When Meiling lost ties to her children, she told PEOPLE.com, "I almost collapsed." She said that the language barrier, lack of money and work experience, did not help in being able to find solution. "It was unfair treatment."
Despite all these years, Stefany notes that her mother did not have the resources that her dad did even though she tries to maintain a "neutral" stance on their relation.
Stefany said that she was made to believe that Meiling was "dangerous" and "neglected" her children. However, she said, that was another cultural divide as she didn't feel neglected in Taiwan.
The author recalls that her and her siblings left behind their Taiwanese culture in America. "It was 'Go to school, speak English, assimilate, we're not doing that that anymore. And I think that was that. Losing a mother is one thing, and then losing your culture," she told PEOPLE.com.
While Stefany initially struggled to get a hold on English, her escape methods eventually led her to a writing career.
When Stefany turned 8, Todd remarried. Her stepmother, Cindy, brought into the family her four children from a previous relationship.
Cindy became a single mother to nine children when Stefany's father passed away in 2006. But the loss led the author to struggle with depression.
Stefany said that growing into her teenage years, the rage from the loss of her father and her birth mother's absence, only increased.
She was reportedly sent to live with other family members throughout majority of her high school years by Cindy. She was allowed to move back in her senior year.
While looking for answers about Meiling, Stefany sought refuge in writing. She wrote a short story for the young-adult anthology, 'When We Become Ours', which points at the adoptee experience.
The experience from this work led her to rework her first novel, First Love Language, into a more adoptee-focused piece.
‘A surprise call’ and everything changed
She looked historical and genealogical records in her attempts to find Meiling. But several psychichs indicated that Meiling had died, leading to Stefany putting an end to her search.
On New Year's 2023, she got a surprising call. "My sister-in-law calls me and is like 'There is a Taiwanese lady in our Mormon church, and she grew up with your mom, and she's going to find her for you'."
Initially, Stefany and her siblings were able to reconnect with Meiling via texting and though her siblings were not as much open to the idea of reunion, Cindy facilitated the author's trip to Taiwan.
The author said that since Cindy worked with Delta, she was able to provide her with flight and everything.
The day finally came in August, Stefany and Meiling were reunited.
In the lead up to their first meeting at the encounter, Stefany said, "Nervous, anxious, scared, excited, everything — what wasn't I feeling? It was like Christmas, when you're going to bed and you're like, ‘I'm going to get to open the presents tomorrow?’ It was very much that for weeks leading up to it, just like, ‘One day closer. One day closer.’"
The mother-daughter realized how much similar they looked. The two made up for their long-lost time during Stefany's two-week trip to Taiwan last year.
Stefany and Meiling went hiking, visited street markets, spent night in an aquarium and even celebrated the latter's birthday with a cake.
“She was like, ‘This is the best birthday I've had in 20 years,’" Stefany said.
During the second week, Cindy also visited Stefany and Meiling in Taiwan. The birth mother and the stepmother thanked each other for Stefany.
Stefany's Taiwan visit also sparked her desire to learn Mandarin. She has applied for the local Chung Yuan University, where she is all set to start the term in the fall.
The author said that with the help of her studies, she wants to facilitate reunions between her mother and the other siblings, and to eventually tell Meiling's story.
"I want to write a memoir, for sure. But this memoir, I want it to also be her memoir and I want to be able to tell her story and all the complexities of it as well as I can in addition to writing my story," Stefany told PEOPLE.com.
Stefany said that now she does not want to waste any more time.
