Spice of Life | Matriarch who brought change with quiet dignity
In our agrarian household, Beeji was the head matriarch, ruling the roost with smooth efficiency and practicality, while giving equal attention to the day-to-day problems of the farm, but her true interest was discussing politics.
My exposure to feminism in the true sense happened after marriage when I had the fortune of interacting with my husband’s paternal grandmother, Beeji as she was fondly addressed by all. A mild yet opinionated woman, she was never one to mince her words, yet she managed to speak her mind without coming across as offensive or dominating.
I am not aware of the exact year they got married, but what was revolutionary was the fact that Beeji was a couple of years elder to her husband, Bapuji, from a different religion, nonetheless they went ahead and entered the much tabooed ‘love marriage’ a good 80 years ago.
One among six siblings, her lawyer father laid a lot of emphasis on education, with no distinction to gender, a result of which, she went on to secure a master’s degree in economics, which was no mean feat. One day we were cleaning up some of her old, iron storage trunks and she handed me a pile of certificates and papers. Browsing through them, the magnitude of her educational achievements dawned on me, for among those worn-out documents was her college degree, altered in parts that were gender specific. For example, the words ‘son’ and ‘he’ had been cut out and the corresponding words for the female gender were written. “You see, in our days no one expected girls to study to this level, so no one bothered to get certificates printed for us. When I got my degree in ‘bachelors of teaching’ it was such a rarity they simply made cuttings on an existing document to make allowances for my achievement. Not that I minded, the idea was to complete my education, and put all naysayers to rest. Sometimes a quiet dignity is all that is required to bring about a big change,” shared the lady, who went on to become the first principal of Sidhwan Bet College.
In our agrarian household, she was the head matriarch, ruling the roost with smooth efficiency and practicality, while giving equal attention to the day-to-day problems of the farm, but her true interest was discussing politics. This often led to our lunch being stretched into teatime, with the headlines of the three daily newspapers being discussed at length and then debated over.
Despite the command she exuded on the domestic front, as a newlywed girl I never really feared her, in fact I was quite taken in by her rational approach to life. In the early days of our marriage, she casually remarked, “Remember, you are not a Christmas tree to be adorned with ornaments, don’t let the expectations of others turn you into one. There is much more to women than the clothes we wear, but if you don’t assert your choice in your own appearance, it will set the tone for the years to come.” I was pretty taken back, but extremely grateful to her for this sage piece of advice.
In the last few months of her life, Beeji was not keeping too well and would often end up drifting into the years gone by. Those interactions with her were interesting, as she narrated stories about her contemporaries, often calling them out for their true selves, sometimes revealing scandalous information, that if broadcast would have caused quite a stir. Now, I hold my silence, secretly grinning whenever I remember an odd anecdote.
She left us a good 14 years back, but I’m sure she is smiling down on us, knowing the significant contribution she made to women empowerment, by starting at the most important place, her home.
The writer runs an agri-tourism project in Hoshiarpur and can be reached at a.jasveen@gmail.com.
