Tired of listening to your co-workers drone on about their life when you never asked? They might be ‘boomer-asking’
Ever been in a conversation where your colleague asks you a question, but before you can finish, they start talking about themselves? There's a term for that
In any corporate environment, there’s often something that can irritate employees — one of the most common being work friends who only seem interested in talking about themselves. It turns out there's now a term for this kind of behaviour: “boomer-asking”. Like the loop of a boomerang, boomeraskers ask a question, let their colleague respond, and then immediately steer the conversation back to themselves. Essentially, they attempt to hit two birds with one stone — showing interest in their friends while also revealing something personal about themselves. But in the process, they often fail to do either effectively, turning what should be a conversation into something more ego-centric and selfish.
Why does this happen?
For many people, sharing details about their own lives simply feels rewarding. The act of self-disclosure activates the same areas of the brain that respond to rewards like good food or the sight of attractive faces. By sharing information, we signal trust and closeness, showing others that we’re comfortable letting them know personal details. But it's not just about building relationships. Acting this way is also a way to influence how others perceive us. Through specific shared details, we try to appear smart, confident, kind, and interesting to those around us — even if no one asked about these details in the first place. Sometimes, we even indulge in behaviours like bragging or complaining to elicit reactions such as admiration or sympathy from others.
Statements that come off as humble brags are more recognisable to your friends than you'd think, especially if you want to seem well-read, well-connected or want to communicate that you are of a higher status than the person you're talking to. While you might think that you're not bragging directly, its rather off-putting for the other person to be involved in a situation like this which often leads to avoidance and dissatisfaction with the relationship, no matter how simple it might be.
How can you stop boomer-asking?
{{/usCountry}}Statements that come off as humble brags are more recognisable to your friends than you'd think, especially if you want to seem well-read, well-connected or want to communicate that you are of a higher status than the person you're talking to. While you might think that you're not bragging directly, its rather off-putting for the other person to be involved in a situation like this which often leads to avoidance and dissatisfaction with the relationship, no matter how simple it might be.
How can you stop boomer-asking?
{{/usCountry}}If you recognise yourself in the behaviour of a boomerasker, don’t worry — it’s fixable. The key is to genuinely listen. Asking sincere questions, actively listening to the answers, and following up on them can go a long way in creating genuine connections with your coworkers. Boomer-asking takes away from the magic of conversation. If you don’t follow up on someone’s answer and instead redirect the conversation back to yourself, it can make the other person feel like you don’t actually care about them. In fact, they might feel like you didn’t care about them in the first place when you asked the question. Taking the time to listen, and making the effort to keep the focus on your conversation partner, can transform your work interactions into more meaningful, mutual exchanges.
{{/usCountry}}If you recognise yourself in the behaviour of a boomerasker, don’t worry — it’s fixable. The key is to genuinely listen. Asking sincere questions, actively listening to the answers, and following up on them can go a long way in creating genuine connections with your coworkers. Boomer-asking takes away from the magic of conversation. If you don’t follow up on someone’s answer and instead redirect the conversation back to yourself, it can make the other person feel like you don’t actually care about them. In fact, they might feel like you didn’t care about them in the first place when you asked the question. Taking the time to listen, and making the effort to keep the focus on your conversation partner, can transform your work interactions into more meaningful, mutual exchanges.
{{/usCountry}}