Unsafe space: How to suss out a toxic therapist
Is your therapist judgy? A tattletale? A bully? Spot these red flags before you sit on the couch. All healing starts from a safe space
During the pandemic, Jaya, a 24-year-old documentary filmmaker, was matched with a life coach at an online mental-health fundraiser. What began as three free sessions turned into a year of weekly consultations. “I liked her at first, but then she began judging me for my life choices,” she recalls. When Jaya tried to talk about her weight gain, the coach would offer unsolicited advice on dieting and exercise. When one casual date turned out to be a bad move, the coach scolded Jaya over her lack of strong boundaries. “Maybe it was the generation gap. The coach was in her 40s; I was 19 at the time. But I know that a therapist isn’t supposed to inflict their opinions on their clients.”
The Mental Healthcare Act of 2017 acknowledges only clinical psychologists recognised by the Rehabilitation Council of India. “The licensing body has not listed the eligibility for other kinds of practitioners; they have no legal association, nor any regulatory body overlooking malpractices,” says Ambika Chawla, a clinical psychologist with the mental health platform LISSUN. “There aren’t clear rules for problems that might occur, where to file a complaint, whom to go to, what board to address.”
It means that the larger field of counselling and therapy in India is a dangerously vague free-for-all. Those who’ve consulted them say coaches and unlicensed counsellors use rude language, eat or doze off during the consultation, mark up their price after a session is over, share their own problems with the client, and attempt to police or shame people based on their own prejudices. Here’s how to spot red flags in a counselling session.
Hello, where’s the empathy?
Beatrice, who was raised in the UK and now lives in Delhi with her Indian husband, went to couples therapy when the frequency of their fights increased after nine years of being together. She looked for therapists online and found one who had glowing reviews. “It was a huge mistake. The therapist was both judgmental and set on selling me an individual package for long-term consultation,” she says. The woman told Beatrice off for being overweight and for marrying an Indian man. She also, in her first session, stated that it was pointless to attempt pregnancy in her early 40s. “I left feeling like an old, fat, hopeless loser who had no chance at a healthy, happy life.”
Counselling psychologist Akanksha Vashisth says that empathy is the cornerstone of any therapeutic practice. “Without it, you can’t gain their trust.” Use your first few sessions to check whether a therapist’s advice involves actual introspection on your part. And check whether their responses stem from their own prejudices. Sensitive subjects, such as queer identities or even singlehood for women often bring out judgemental reactions in an untrained counsellor.
Is this really confidential?
When Mallika, a 23-year-old health coach from Kolkata, confided in a clinical psychologist about her partying, she didn’t expect the doctor to out her to her parents. “I’m a fully grown adult,” she points out, horrified. “The psychologist believed that because I’m a woman, my parents are still my caretakers!” Many counsellors in India tend not to take confidentiality clauses seriously, meaning sessions are not really a safe space.
Chawla says that the only situation that merits breaking confidentiality is for cases of abuse. Therapists have a duty to inform authorities so they can step in. They must also inform their clients about their rights and remedies in cases of break-ups, alimony or other legal situations.
Is everything a mental-health problem?
Prolonged mental-health challenges tend to take their toll on the body. Stress, anxiety, phobias and depression manifest through sleeplessness, headaches, upset stomachs. Counsellors who focus on the mental and not the physical (or vice versa) will make matters worse.
Anuj, 34, who founded a communications agency in Mumbai, says that his ex-wife’s therapist should have done better. “Six months after our separation, my ex called me in a state of panic,” he recalls. She had lost weight. Her face was sunken in. She looked as if she hadn’t slept in days. She was suffering from major depressive disorder, in which prolonged bouts of untreated depression turns into psychosis. “Her therapist had done nothing to address this. She didn’t even recommend her to another professional. I took her to a psychiatrist who prescribed anti-psychotics and depression medication, which helped.”
Chawla says that a good counsellor will rule out unrelated physical ailments before beginning therapy, but acknowledge that some symptoms are connected. “Therapists must not ignore these signs.”
Another grand promise?
Deepa, 27 is a writer in Gurugram, and still carried trauma from being sexually abused as a child. So, when she saw flashy Instagram ads of a therapist claiming to be the best in India, and who could fix patients in minutes, she signed up. “He promised my money back if I wasn’t satisfied.” But far from laying out a roadmap or goals to process the trauma, he told her to forget about her past since it wasn’t in her control.
Other clients have had counsellors asking them out to dinner at the end of a session. “Even if you no longer professionally engage the therapist, you can’t see them in a sexual context because they could manipulate you with information you shared with them during your sessions,” says Vashisth. And anyone who views mental health as a problem to be fixed, or offers money-back guarantees is probably a red flag anyway.
From HT Brunch, March 15, 2025
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