Paediatrician shares 7 tips for parents to help older sibling adjust when a new baby arrives: ‘Talk about it early’

From feeling neglected to becoming angry, older sibling may undergo a lot of emotional changes when a new baby joins the family.

A child without any siblings receives the full attention of their parents. So naturally, when a new baby joins the family, dividing the parents’ attention and time (maybe even taking up a major chunk), older siblings may feel insecure and, in turn, lash out with tantrums or completely withdraw in frustration.

Parents need to prepare their older child to the arrival of the baby. (Shutterstock)

Honestly, they can't be blamed either, as these older children suddenly go from being the focus of attention to shouldering new responsibilities. It can spark jealousy, too. That change is major for them.

This is why preparing them beforehand ensures the older child feels safe and valued, and develops a bond with their new sibling right away. And if proper care is not taken, then the sibling may feel overwhelmed and even hold animosity towards the baby.

Dr Senthil Kumar, senior consultant, paediatrics and neonatology, Apollo Cradle and Children's Hospital, Bengaluru-Brookefield, told HT Lifestyle that older children will feel more included if parents, in advance, prepare them.

He said, “While the parent is distracted getting ready for the new baby, it's just as important to make sure that the older child is included, made to feel secure, and prepared for the transition. Being thoughtful in preparing them can help them process their feelings and lay the foundation for a loving relationship.”

Dr Kumar listed 7 tips for parents to guide their older children for the arrival of a baby:

1. Talk about it early

• Children take more time to understand things, so when it comes to something major like a new arrival, start to share this news in a natural, positive way, without rushing, but by using language that engages their focus and understanding.
• Ask open-ended questions and answer genuinely, even if those answers seem concrete or rudimentary.

2. Include them in the process

• Start by including older siblings in preparations like picking baby clothes, decorating the nursery, or going with the mother to a doctor's appointment.
• This can help them feel like they are part of all this and make them more connected with the family as a whole.

3. Pre-establish routines

• Stability is key for children. Aim to have a routine with mealtime, playtime, and bedtime.
• When changes inevitably occur (such as a new sleeping arrangement), implement them long in advance so that the shift does not become equated with the baby's arrival.

4. Talk about what to expect

Older sibling becomes more accepting of the new baby when you tell them what is about to happen, so that they can process it early on itself. (Shutterstock)

• Educate children on what it's like to have a newborn baby in a family. Tell them the baby won't be able to play immediately, but that they can still be helpful.
• Role-playing with dolls is a useful and fun activity for young children to learn about this new experience

6. Spending time together

• When the baby arrives, attention can get diverted to them, and the older child may feel ignored and experience separation.
• Ensure that some amount of time is always kept to interact with them, as that can greatly improve their sense of belonging and not alienate them further.

7. Validate their feelings

• Kids naturally feel conflict, excitement, confusion, and even resentment.
• Acknowledge these feelings without judgment or guilt. Assure them love is not divided, but multiplied.
• Listen to them intently and validate all natural feelings, making them feel heard.

So in conclusion, parents can keep negative emotions like sadness, rivalry, and resentment at bay by involving the older sibling right from the preparation itself as the family begins a new chapter. Just like you are preparing for the baby as a parent, the older child should also feel involved, rather than neglected.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.