Tired of saying yes to everything? Psychologist suggests 5 tips to set boundaries in a relationship without guilt
Think you are setting enviable couple goals by doing everything together? Know why you need boundaries and how you can implement them in practice.
From twinning couples' pyjamas, matching social media profile pictures to blending music playlists and stealing sips from the same straw, doing things together as a couple gives all the classic romcom vibes. The craving for intimacy drives these little rituals to feel more connected. But again, how do you know when this omnipresent connection will turn claustrophobic?
While these moments are indeed cute and dreamy, there's a line which one shouldn't cross, where this ‘togetherness’ of the relationship begins to fade one's individuality.
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Regarding boundaries, there may often be a dilemma on how to say no. Addressing this tricky aspect of a relationship, Dr Mona Gujral, chief psychologist at Coto, shared with HT Lifestyle her insight on why a relationship may begin to feel suffocating when personal boundaries are not valued.
Talking about this potential guilt of saying no, she explained the mindset behind this behaviour, “Setting boundaries often triggers guilt, especially when we’re conditioned to believe that love equals sacrifice. Saying ‘no’ brings guilt and the fear of being seen as uncaring." The psychologist, however, assured that all is not lost if one is upfront about their personal needs. "But true love isn’t about pleasing others at your own expense; it’s built on honesty, balance, and mutual respect.”
Why are boundaries important in relationship?
When boundaries are missing, compromise can go too far. Often, one partner sets aside their own likes and dislikes for the sake of the other. Take something as simple as a movie night. Instead of voicing your personal preference, you just nod along to whatever your partner decides. All these small compromising behaviours add up before eventually driving a wedge between you and your partner. Over time, it turns into an extreme invasion of private spaces, like demanding passwords or imposing what to wear.
Dr Gujral explained the importance of boundaries, "Boundaries are the emotional, physical, and mental limits that safeguard your well-being. When clearly expressed, they prevent resentment and ensure that love remains balanced with self-respect. The key is to communicate calmly and clearly, not confrontationally. Remember, your needs are just as valid as your partner’s.
Five ways to set boundaries without guilt
In a relationship, one may feel obligated to chase the compulsive need to do everything together, despite their own wishes. But you can turn it around with some simple techniques, especially if you find yourself struggling to really speak up.
The psychologist shared these 5 tips on how you can create boundaries in the relationship without feeling guilty:
- Acknowledge your right to self-care: You deserve peace and space, even in love. Boundaries protect your energy.
- Use “I” statements: Express your needs without blame “I feel overwhelmed when…” creates dialogue instead of defensiveness.
- Start small: Begin with simple steps, such as declining a call when tired or taking time for yourself.
- Stay consistent: Mixed signals confuse both you and your partner. Hold your ground kindly.
- Release the guilt: Guilt often comes from fear of disappointing others. Remind yourself, you’re responsible for your emotions, not for managing theirs.
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.
