Random Forays | Necessary avoidance of self-deprecation
Self-compassion is, according to a paper by Dr Emma Seppala (author of The Happiness Track) for Stanford University, “the secret to resilience, strength in the face of failure, the ability to learn from mistakes and to bounce back with greater enthusiasm”
Who’s your best friend? Mom? Classmate? Spouse? May I propose that you, yourself, should back yourself to the hilt? You alone can be your own best friend, except perhaps someone up there.
Many youngsters today seem hell bent upon criticising themselves uninterruptedly, mainly in their own minds. Unending overthinking about their weaknesses results in a situation wherein anxiety and lack of confidence become primary personality traits. Identifying themselves with their shortcomings becomes almost second nature to them and they tend to sink deeper into the whirlpool of despair.
Take the case of seventeen year old Malika (name changed) who is a student of Class 11 and who seems to think that admission to one of the Indian Institutes of Technology, or IITs, is the only goal of her life. Should she fail, god forbid, at cracking the entrance exam, her life would be declared unsuccessful and she would have no release valve, ever, to emerge from her perceived doomed existence.
The influencers of her life, her parents, her sibling, her neighbours, and her distant aunties, have piled on the pressure upon Malika’s mindset, to an inordinate extent. And Malika feels she has no one to turn to. She perhaps feels like venting out her disinterest in any engineering course, but she dare not. She perhaps wishes to pursue a career in commercial art or modelling, but she has no guardian angel to share these ‘forbidden’ thoughts with. Her family will have none of this ‘nonsense’, she knows. And even in this highly innovative era, she is clearly trapped.
The resultant existence of angst and trepidation that Malika and thousands like her have to go through, is totally heartbreaking but is utterly avoidable. Perceptions that are created by media, peer groups, educational institutions and parents are often entirely skewed.
Yet, and this is where the solution perhaps lies, each individual possesses the power within to change the norm, to turn the tables and to swim against the tide. Some youthful achievers of this helter-skelter era have actually carved out a niche for themselves by sheer dint of will power and by building their own ramparts of solidity within their minds. By completely shunning the tendency to deprecate themselves, they have found some fresh air to breathe in, despite the attempts of society to poison the atmosphere.
Self-compassion is, according to a paper by Dr Emma Seppala (author of The Happiness Track) for Stanford University, “the secret to resilience, strength in the face of failure, the ability to learn from mistakes and to bounce back with greater enthusiasm”. And this sense of compassion for the self, or even self-love, which is such a fashionable term nowadays, makes us overcome the seemingly insurmountable challenges that life continually conjures up in our face.
The said young lady, Malika, and all others of her ilk, would thus do very well to summon that feeling of eternally deep friendship for their own selves, rather than hounding their emotions with thoughts of doomsday scenarios. Yet, it is the public narrative which clouds our very existence, that also needs to don a gentler, more amiable garb. Youngsters need a shelter, a balm, a go to mentor, in order to shun their clouded, often demonic, negativities and to find the blue skies within their own minds.
A happy go lucky young man met me very recently and he spoke only of soccer, tennis, cricket and chess. Having spent some time with him I realized what I already should have known. The fact that sports can play a monumental role in building positive bulwarks within the mind frames of today’s youth.
And what of the seniors? Much the same applies to them. By shutting off vibrations of villainy which keep popping up from digital devices and focusing on cleansing their own castles within, they can lead healthier, more joyful lives.
Laughter seems to have become a rarer commodity these days. By the simple act of laughing together, a family can boost its own morale and stay afloat despite the rising tide of gloom that often seems to engulf us. And they must impart to their kids a simple truth. That by being a friend to oneself, one can actually conquer the world.
vivek.atray@gmail.com
