Hot and code: Simran Mangharam writes on dating and AI, in 2025

The search for love has taken new forms this year, driven by both technological advancements and the desire to avoid them.

It’s been a year of paradoxes, when it comes to the world of dating (and so much else, really; but let’s stick with dating for now).

In the Korean animated sci-fi film Lost in Starlight (2025), an aspiring astronaut pursues love amid a mission to Mars. No matter who or where we are, no matter the era or the hashtags, the quest tends to remain the same.

In 2025, the search for love has taken new forms, driven by both technological advancements and the desire to avoid them.

On the one hand, there has been a shift towards simplicity, and an effort to replace the swipe-ghost-repeat cycle of dating apps with genuine, real-world connection. (This has forced the apps to rethink their strategy and redefine what digital dating should look like, particularly in India, with a growing number offering almost-platonic offline events that relieve some of the pressure by positioning themselves as networking opportunities or friendship zones too).

At the opposite end of the spectrum, artificial intelligence has stormed the stage. AI, in the world of dating, is no longer confined to back-end algorithms. People are “meeting”, “falling in love” with and “marrying” personalised digital programs. While many of us saw this coming in some form, it’s strange to think how quickly Spike Jonze’s modern-day classic, Her (2013), crossed the line from science-fiction to romantic drama.

Meanwhile, in another twist I wouldn’t have predicted, hook-ups have become somewhat formalised, with terms such as “nanoship” and “microship” now denoting bonds that are intimate and perhaps intense, but designed to be fleeting. (An evolution that makes “situationship” now seem like a pretty solid commitment.)

I’ve always wondered how much of this — the ebbs and flows and shifting tides — are a matter of dating-industry jargon and trending hashtags, and how much actually filters down to the people out there looking for love.

In my professional experience, while it is certainly true that hook-ups are more prevalent among the young, and people are developing close bonds with bots, most of us are simply pursuing the same, unchanging goals: affection, intimacy, commitment, and a person to call our own.

There are other things, sadly, that have not changed.

Infidelity continues to be a leading cause of heartbreak, even as open marriages and ethical non-monogamy become very real, if marginal, elements of our relationship landscape.

Social media, such a recent addition to the basket of challenges, remains a potentially problematic game-changer. It can be easy to feel like you’re failing at love, when you’re scrubbing the dishes together amid the chaos of school drops and missed anniversaries, and everyone else seems to be posting romantic notes to one another from adjoining hammocks in the Maldives.

In some good news, that awful term #couplegoals is fading; it appears to now be used ironically or sardonically, for the most part. In another upside, the pressure to appear happy has introduced us to habits such as date nights, and pushed couples to at least occasionally set the rest aside and focus on themselves. When this is done authentically, it can be among the best things for a relationship.

It was interesting to see a number of my clients use the term “future-proofing” when referring to efforts made to reinforce the foundations of their bond. (Isn’t it nice when jargon actually helps get the job done?)

I found it particularly encouraging that part of this future-proofing involved having conversations that were, until recently, considered too uncomfortable to broach: discussions about finances, in-laws, sexual and emotional needs. As therapy becomes more normalised, it’s good to see the readiness to look inward and take charge of one’s well-being filter into the famously close-lipped Indian marriage.

Heading into the new year, I would offer three bits of advice: be honest, but also kind (with oneself and with others). Make time for family, however you define that word. There is no greater asset than a group of people who are genuinely in your corner.

And to those just starting out on this journey, particularly the young, I would offer a reminder that there truly are no shortcuts. No amount of scrolling or swiping can change the fact that one really has to know what one wants, when it comes to love. Once that becomes clear, it’s simply a question of finding someone else with a similar answer. It’s really not that hard; it will happen.

(Simran Mangharam is a dating and relationship coach and can be reached on simran@ floh.in. The views expressed are personal)