How can parents say no to their children? Psychotherapist reveals 5 gentle ways to be assertive
How you be assertive and say no to kids matters a lot for how they accept the message. Here's how parents can easily say no.
Children engage in their own fun antics regularly. While they are endearing to parents, there’s always a limit, mostly for their own safety and wellbeing. This is where parents need to be assertive, as children are not aware or mature enough to understand the consequences of their actions. Setting boundaries is essential, but saying ‘no’ can also backfire, whether it leads to an emotional outburst or children quietly feeling hurt.
Dr Chandni Tugnait, psychotherapist, founder and director of Gateway of Healing, shared with HT Lifestyle how saying no to children also matters. She highlighted that saying no is not rejection. Dr Tugnait further explained, "Many parents struggle with the word ‘no.’ It feels harsh, as though saying it might disappoint or hurt their child. But we have to understand that saying ‘no’ is not rejection. When expressed with clarity and softness, it is an act of love. Boundaries teach children respect, patience, and resilience, qualities that shape them into secure, responsible adults.”
While no may seem simple, how a parent delivers makes a big difference in how the child receives the message. The psychotherapist added, “A rude or dismissive tone can make a child feel unheard, but a firm and kind ‘no’ shows them that limits exist, and those limits are safe and consistent.”
{{/usCountry}}While no may seem simple, how a parent delivers makes a big difference in how the child receives the message. The psychotherapist added, “A rude or dismissive tone can make a child feel unheard, but a firm and kind ‘no’ shows them that limits exist, and those limits are safe and consistent.”
{{/usCountry}}Here are 5 ways a parent can say no to their children, as shared by Dr Chandni Tugnait:
1. Acknowledge feelings first:
- Before saying no, understand your child’s emotions.
- For example, ‘I know you really want more screen time, and it looks fun, but it’s bedtime.’ This shows empathy while keeping the limit.
2. Offer simple explanations:
- Kids don’t need lectures, just clarity.
- For example, ‘No, we can’t buy another toy today because we’re saving for something special.’ They understand better when the reasons are clear.
3. Redirect with alternatives:
{{/usCountry}}Here are 5 ways a parent can say no to their children, as shared by Dr Chandni Tugnait:
1. Acknowledge feelings first:
- Before saying no, understand your child’s emotions.
- For example, ‘I know you really want more screen time, and it looks fun, but it’s bedtime.’ This shows empathy while keeping the limit.
2. Offer simple explanations:
- Kids don’t need lectures, just clarity.
- For example, ‘No, we can’t buy another toy today because we’re saving for something special.’ They understand better when the reasons are clear.
3. Redirect with alternatives:
{{/usCountry}}- Instead of a flat ‘no,’ suggest a choice that feels positive.
- For example, ‘We can’t have ice cream before dinner, but you can help me choose a healthy snack.’
4. Stay calm and consistent:
- Children test limits, but your calm tone reassures them.
- If you say no to an extra hour of play, stick to it. Consistency builds trust.
5. Model respectful communication:
- How you deliver ‘no’ teaches kids how to set boundaries for themselves.
- A gentle but firm tone shows that limits don’t need to be aggressive.
In the end, it’s important for the parent to let the child know that saying no isn’t about denying their happiness but for their own good and keeping them safe. Calmly explaining it to the children makes them feel supported rather than rejected. When no is said with love, it shows that the limits are set not for punishment but out of care.
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.
